Sunday 3 July 2011

Spying In High Heels by Gemma Halliday

This is a book I picked up for five bucks at a newsagency.  I'm so glad that I did. 

LA shoe designer Maddie Springer lives her life by three rules: Fashion.  Fashion.  Fashion.  But when she stumbles  upon the work  of a brutal killer, her life takes an unexpected turn from Manolos to murder.  And things only get worse when her boyfriend disappears - along with $20 million in embezzled  funds - and her every move is suddenly under scrutiny by the LAD's  sexiest cop.  With the help of her post-menopausal bridezilla of a mother, a 300 pound psychic and one seriously oversexed best friend, Maddie finds herself stepping out of her stilettos and onto the trail of a murderer.  But can she catch  a killer before the killer catches up to her? 

The back cover blurb is a teeny bit deceptive, though in a lovely and unexpected way.  Maddie Springer is an LA shoe designer - though she designs kid's shoes.  And her boyfriend does disappear - but not at the same time as the money.  And it is not her lifelong dream to become the next Nancy Drew, she just stumbles blindly into this whole mess trying to find her missing boyfriend Richard. 

There are so many things that I like about this book and the way that it is written that so many other writers try to accomplish and fail.  I like that there is an every-girl candidness about Maddie.  I don't usually like books written in first person, but she has a sassy snark to her inner voice that is terrific - not too bitchy but not too sugary sweet either.  Maddie has real-girl reactions to significant moment in the story, from a pregnancy scare to a dead body.  In both scenarios she panics and freaks out.  Many of us would like to think that we could handle such situations with aplomb - or at least with a witty one-liner and a casual flip of our hair - but we all know we wouldn't.  Much as we would like to.  So while Maddie is bold, stubborn and loyal to a fault, she's not a sickly sweet and unbelievable Mary Sue type or a kick-arse but equally unbelievable urban fantasy heroine with leather trousers.  And a sword.  

Her best friend is apparently a raging nymphomaniac and an actress with regular if erratic work in tiny parts of TV shows that never get seen.  This man-eater has more bed partners than bit parts in low-budget television pilots and earns her crust by teaching aerobics at the local gym.  Despite Dana's cartoony description, she is actually a worldly and well developed character, something that other writers (at least the bad ones) tend to overlook.  I have a feeling that Dana leapt off the page and took on a life of her own, possibly to the bemusement of the author, her personality is so strong.  So the 'best friend' character actually has her own life and a little side plotline all to herself.  She's a funny, enthusiastic and positive foil for Maddie who often had confidence issues during the tale, especially when her boyfriend's apparent second life comes to light and Detective Ramirez starts to show a decided interest in the blonde protagonist.

Which leads me nicely into our male leads.  I have one word for you: Yummy.  One is her wayward boyfriend Richard, whom she believes she might be accidentally pregnant to and is where this whole story starts - Maddie panicking madly because she's, as Maddie puts it 'late'.  The other is the deliciously sexy cop investigating Richard's suspicious disappearance and circumstances, Detective Jack Ramirez.  Maddie thinks he is one of the bad guys to begin with, upon her first sighting of him and treats him as such: with extreme caution.  She runs into him more and more often as their paths criss-cross in their mutal attempts to find the same man, though for very different reasons and despite her horrified guilt with herself, finds herself unable to resist her attraction to the cop.  I absolutely love the self-flagelation that Maddie goes through when she can't get Jack out of her head but suspects she may be pregnant to her boyfriend who she is discovering is Not A Nice Man after all.  

I really, really like the part about going out for her Mum's bachelorette party to a place called 'Beefcakes' (!!!) and accidentally getting drunk on what she thought were non-alcoholic drinks.  Had me giggling all the way through it - the whole of chapter fourteen.  And the aftermath in chapter fifteen.  

There were really only one or two small things that I didn't like and they were so minor it didn't change the fact that I still really like the book, but they are worth a mention since they tended to jar me out of the story and were a wee bit intrusive.  Maddie's devotion to her boyfriend in need is admirable.  It's not often the bloke needs rescuing in one of these mystery novels so it's refreshing to see the girl saving her man.  However - and it is a huge 'however' - the more she finds out about her boyfriend of five months other life, the less I liked him.  If maybe they had been together for several years I could probably understand her reluctance to believe that he would do something stupid or criminal but it's too short of a time.  Some of the things that Richard is mixed up in are pretty nefarious and yet Maddie refuses to see the light.   Even when confronted with a condom wrapper.  
In his office.
Where they have never had sex.
She still makes excuses for this loser.  There are more and worse than that but I won't spoil the story.  Admittedly, Maddie does eventually realise that she is just making excuses for him but that doesn't help her earlier on in the story, she's so blinded by her love for a man who is not worthy of it. 
Meanwhile.  Sexy, honourable and available Jack Ramirez is more than just attracted to her and isn't shy in showing her his interest.  There were times when I wanted to leap into the book, give Maddie a quick slap upside the head, leap back out again and continue reading.  

The only other irritating measure was Maddie's refusal  to take the pregnancy test early on in the story, without her beloved (by which I mean worthless) Richard close at hand.  At first, fair enough, I can understand how she would want the comfort of her partner to be with her when she faces a life changing result.  But as the days drag on  and she all but tortures herself with 'it's still only 'maybe''.  A 'maybe' that could be a 'no' and leave her free to take the good Detective up on his offer for dinner with absolutely no guilt whatsoever!  But no, she leaves herself, and by extension, us, in suspense.  An excellent way to increase plot tension but absolutely maddening to read!  Maddie cites  pure, unadulterated terror at the prospect of becoming a mother preventing her from taking the test and I can probably understand that.  The teeny, tiny apartment she lives in  barely fits her, let alone a child.  Her fear is probably what drives her to find Richard, for moral support in her time of desperation, before taking the plunge.  Personally, not knowing would kill me far faster than any homicidal maniac running around LA.  But that's just me.

Apart from those two minor points, it's a terrifically well written book with a twist at the end that even I didn't see coming (I love those!).  Gemma Halliday gets a standing ovation from me and I look forward to reading the rest of the High Heels series.  (I downloaded some ebooks of hers today, because I can't wait to see what happens next!)

   

Saturday 25 June 2011

A Shore Thing by Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi


I will not be reading this.

Not to totally shred her wee book, but I cannot, for the life of me understand what is so compelling about drunken twenty somethings that apparently makes such fascinating television and reading material.  From all accounts she may be using the money she earns in this caper to turn over a new leaf, grow up some and get started on this thing called Real Life, and good for her.  Use the opportunities life throws at you, they are few and far between.  But people like me would rather read a ripping good yarn than wonder at the thoughts inside a sozzled head.  Once again, I have to admit that one of the reasons I cannot get published is that corporations are intent on making the millions out of - let's face it - titillating diaries of the rich and famous masquerading as fiction.  It's hard enough to get into the publishing industry without bookshelves being clogged up by vacuous accounts of people who should probably know better than to get so drunk they don’t remember what happened the previous day and are consequently arrested or charged.  We shouldn’t be celebrating this kind of behaviour.  It’s all well and good to publish a memoir, but please don’t pass it off as an original, fictional novel.  Yes, one of the adages of the author is to 'write what you know'.  But this is just something to take inspiration from, not to lift whole days or weeks or years from your own life so that anyone you might know will recognise themselves in the pages.  And likely be offended. 

Monday 20 June 2011

Steampunk!

Since I've decided to move, all my books are now in boxes - so I can't get to them!  Let's hope the ones I've ordered arrive soon!

In the meantime, I found this little gem of an article whilst trawling the net. 

Steampunk culture full speed ahead

Wednesday 18 May 2011

Stray by Rachel Vincent

Batcave Library is a blog about the many, many, MANY books that I read.  Inspired by the 30 Day Book Challenge on Facebook, I feel that there are so many more books I could commemorate or eviscerate.  I intend to do my own review of what ever I have happened to read and since I read so much - well, the blog should get updated quite regularly. 

The first book to be reviewed is not a book I love.  Or even like.

'Stray' by Rachel Vincent has a blurb that reads thusly...

I look like an all-American grad student. But I am a werecat, a shape-shifter, and I live in two worlds.
Despite reservations from my family and my Pride, I escaped the pressure to continue my species and carved out a normal life for myself. Until the night a Stray attacked.
This brush with danger was all my Pride needed to summon me back... for my own protection. Yeah, right. But I'm no meek kitty. I'll take on whatever and whoever--I have to in order to find my friends. Watch out, Strays--'cause I got claws, and I'm not afraid to use them...
Now, for all intents and purposes, doesn't this sheila sound awesome? No.  I.  Hate.  This.  Book.  
Strong words from a bibliophile, but they are well deserved.  I wonder, with trash like this taking up valuable printing space, why the hell I can't get published.  So instead, I would like to register my vote for the Most Irritating Character Of The Year.  The heroine (and I use this term so very loosely) should -should- appeal to me on nearly every level, and yet somehow, epically fails.  I learned this, the hard way.  Now admittedly, the plot idea is solid, a kick-arsery woman, book lover and a bit of a smart arse finds herself in quite a bit of trouble and all of a sudden they are after her. 

And yet.

And yet, Vincent manages to take what should be the new century's answer to Buffy and turns her into a whining, selfish bitch.  Some bitchery in our heroines is okay.  It's not good to have Little Goody Two Shoes running around in every novel. At the same time it is a delicate balance that has to be treated with care.  If the reader does not ultimately care about the character, then what do they care about the consequences of their actions?  Their redemption, their crisis overcome? 

The reasons for my affrontery have been outlined below, in handy numbered point form.  Bear with me.  There are lots of them. 

1. Faythe (a more ironically named character I have yet to encounter, the spelling of which always made me think of her as 'Faithie' regardless of her age) is a were-cat which should automatically put her in the Kick-Arse Female category. She is also one of only eight single were-females in the US. With only seven other girls to compete with amongst hundreds of sexy, powerful, heroic men, all of whom her Daddy would be pleased to see her bring home, her life is such a drag!
What. A. Dilemma. Which leads me to...
2. As an un-partnered female (or Tabby) she is expected to bear children to one of these numerous Adonis (Adonises? Adonii?) and boost the population, hoping to pop out a few girls. Now, on this one point I am willing to concede that Faythe (oh forgive me for agreeing with the mutton-headed woman) has the right idea. What sane woman wants to be a baby-making machine? But, my darling readers, have these people never
heard of artificial insemination? IVF babies? Seriously, these people live on a ranch.
3. The direct result of this is that Faythe stomps her pretty little foot and takes herself off to University in order to gain independance from her constricting family. This is where I completely lose faith in Faythe - about page three. Does she go off to get her Business degree? Law? Finger Painting? No. She studies Literature. Which is all well and good (after all, I did the same) but for a woman who wants nothing more than to get out of her family's benevolent but suffocating clutches, it is hardly going to help put food in her belly and fashionably up-to-date clothing on her butt.
4. Her degree, her accommodations and all her expenses are paid for out of Daddy's seemingly bottomless pocket. Yes, Daddy is a wealthy tycoon of some unspecified business venture. Daddy takes care of everything. Her mother is a homemaker and immediately dismissed by Faythe as some sort of traitor to the whole idea of post-modernistic feminism because she likes to cook and look after her kids. So when Faythe
finishes the degree her family grudgingly allowed her to undertake (a huge step in itself for such a culturally Patriarchal society), she undertakes her masters without telling anyone, letting the bill for her tuition do all the talking.  This is what we would call A Lie. Yet it comes as a rude shock to her, that when she does undertake this course of action without Daddy's knowledge or consent, he throws a fit. Since it is his money she is squandering on a degree that will not really account for much unless she becomes a University Professor, (except she shows no aptitude or ambition to become one) he has every right to flip his lid.  As far as I understand it, she doesn't try to supplement her income by taking on a part time job during her studies either.
5. She strolls into a dark alley one evening (On purpose! WTF!), is subsequently mugged (Ta-daaaaa!) and is overwhelmingly ungrateful when Marc (a one-time shag and unendingly patient gentleman) saves her cute butt and takes her home.  He and a few others have been watching her on orders of her father (who also, coincidentally, happens to be the Pride's Alpha) when they could have been out doing other things - like their jobs perhaps, instead of babysitting the self-centred and unrepentant Faythe.
6. The reason for the abrupt visit home is that someone has been kidnapping and killing the Tabbies. Instead of feeling grateful for the timely rescue, Faythe throws a tanty worthy of a tweenie with her scrunchie in a twist.

Keep in mind this all happens before page twenty. I warned you.

7. In retaliation, Faythe flirts with any man not related to her. Except Marc. You know, the one who has treated her with respect and consideration from day one? He puts up with her every bitch and whine and nag but all she wants to do is get it on with the guy(s) who only want the keys to her chastity belt. Figuratively speaking of course.  Faythe makes a point of strolling around nude (in her father's office no less!) in order to tease every non-blood relation male in the vicinity.  There are lots of those.
8. After the death of a Tabby close to Faythe, they all get roaringly drunk in their grief, Marc comforts Faythe and they end up in bed together. Horrified at her apparent lack of judgement - yes, this is when she decides that she may have done the wrong thing - Faythe tries to run away from home.

Again.

Never mind that there is a killer cat out there targeting what is left of the Tabby population in the United States (ie about five at this point). On the verge of leaving, in a truck she stole the keys to without a grain of remorse, she sits in the cab, with the front gate wiiiiiiide open and finally attaches brain to spinal cord. In her moment of epiphany (Talking? You mean conversing? Instead of arguing? What a novel notion!) she gets kidnapped. Surprise!

Seriously, have you ever met a book with a more irritating protagonist? To top it off, it's all written in first person, so all the I, I, I, Me, Me, Mes make her whingeing so much worse than should be possible. The cherry on top?  The cover is a picture of a woman's back with bare midriff and serious potential for a muffin top in later life.

If you thought all that was bad, brace yourself - there are a further five follow up books in this series, with darling Faithie in the lead.

This makes me want to cry.